weightfighter

Ok - so I have been doing different things to deal with my blood pressure. I doubled the norvasc as the PAC wanted. I stopped taking the tenuate (the PAC really did not want me to do that) but that is the only “new” thing that should account for the pressure increase. Stopping the tenuate (appetite suppressant) I think was a smart and stupid thing. First off, I did this without thinking about what time of the month I was heading into. So on top of fighting hunger a little bit (not alot, I have adjusted well to that), I went through the typically cravings and did not realize why initially. And on top of it, I gave into most of the cravings. I did not blow things out of the water too bad most of the week - staying between 1400-1600 calories during the work week. Yesterday, however, I just fell off the wagon. I went to lunch with a friend who came up for the weekend. I did not do badly at lunch, but after lunch, we realized the alternator of my car was going bad. So, I drove the car to my in-laws house so my husband could replace it. This was 5 pm (we had seen a movie after lunch). The change should have only been one hour - and it became 6 hours. We were starving and had to eat what was there to tide us over (Oatmeal cookies with cream filling and chips). Finally we got dinner, and we ordered the chip basket with a beer. My entree was half of a bison burger and a side of veggies so I was not horrible, but I definitely went above the 2000 mark.

So now, I start again. Today is a new day, right. The only thing we can do is look back at the errors we made and use those decisions to make better decisions in the future. That is easier said then done, but at least it is a start. I started breakfast this morning with a veggie omelet and a side of fruit (350 calories).  Lunch will be my other half of the bison burger with steamed veggies.

Other news, I go to my family physician tomorrow to figure out the issue with my blood pressure since it is still up. It is frustrating since research says, that if there is any change to my blood pressure, it should be going down with the 38 pounds I have lost since May, not up.  So, until we know what that is all about, I am going to start looking up information and tips on staying on track even with the holidays and all those sugary and calorie loaded parties and activities coming. As I get information, I will share it….

Oh, finally - the insanity has ended. I took everyone’s advice. The next few days, I kept those frozen veggies that steam in the bag in the microwave at work. I also started to stay away from the cookies and danishes. It is amazing that I did not gain weight, even though I did not loose any weight. As things slowed down, I started eating better and better. With any luck, next week when I go in for my 3 month check up, I will have lost some more.

One comment that was made at my last check up visit was the limited amount of exercise. Some of the lack of exercise was because I started breaking out with the water aerobics (long story). But aside from that, I really just do not care to do “physical” activity. I have never been one to just like playing a game of ball or run a mile or what not. I am not motivated to work out. Does anyone have suggestions on what might create some motivation for someone who hates doing physical activity?

Yesterday I came to a realization, I was not as “in control” of this lifestyle change as I thought. The last week, while I have not blown my calorie count (I Have not eaten more then 1700 calories), I have not stayed at my 1400 mark on 6 of the seven days. One common thread - I was eating at restaurants that did not offer nutritional information. My thought process - “I can indulge this once” and that one time ends up being four or five times in the week. Last night, as I sat looking at my calorie count, I actually had to stop myself from putting down exercise that I know does not count (like walking five minutes around a store). I need to limit my “indulgences” to once or at most twice a week.

One good thing, I did keep my goal from last week. I only went to Yum-Yum’s once this week. This week’s goal is to actuall exercise three times this week AND stay at or below my calorie count. Tomorrow I am going to the amusement park which is about 1.5 miles long so I know I will stay within my count because I do not typically eat any food there so that is one activity down … two more to go.

Today was an off day. I was in a funky mood most of the day and just sad. Knowing I am an emotional eater, I have to watch what I eat even more closely on these types of days. On my way home from work, the thought of cooking just bothered me. I wanted to stop and get something horrible for me - McDonalds Fries, cheese burger, etc. I didn’t, but I could almost taste it. It has been a little more then a month since I have had any kind of fast food so I know it would kill my stomach if I did, the grease alone. But just that thought of not having something is making the temptation almost unbearable.

Well, I went to the outlet mall today. I walked a little more then a mile. While the walking was at a shopping pace, it still covered the extra 100 calories I had with lunch when I had the cheese quesadilla. I found a restaurant, Salsaritas, that offers nutritional information so I was able to indulge in a little Mexican food. While I did not have veggies with my lunch, I did have veggies with my breakfast so I countered that.

I am starting to feel the withdrawal symptoms again from eating all of the ice cream. I need to force myself to only have Yum-Yums once a week at most. I do not have the same withdrawals or cravings when I am only eating my 100-calorie ice cream options. I need to understand that eating badly is an addiction and there will also be temptations. I have to eat. I also will be around those temptations. The good news is, I am not getting desserts when I go out to eat (unless we go to Yum-Yums). Just as Smokey Bones is a weakness that I must avoid, Yum-Yums is a weakness I must avoid, or at least not frequent as much.

This week is crazy and insane at work. I am not able to cook or eat at home like I normally would. Today I did horribly. I ate 1100 calories at lunch today. I cannot do that, but baked beans were too good to give it up. It was a weakness. Even though I knew I did not know the calories, I still ordered it.Clearly, I cannot go to that restuarant regularly!

I have not written in the diary much this week. The week has gone smoothly overall, but I have had emotional and stressful moments as work where I have struggled to deal with my emotions in other ways then eating. This is huge challenge. I have had to look at myself, how I respond to stress and emotions, how I handle every day situations. It has been an eye opening experience that I am sure I am not done with. My mood is very depressed at points, where other people including my staff and co-workers can see that I am sad. My visible emotions create an almost paradox as I hate to show my “bad” emotions to others. For me, it makes it seems I am weak and not in control of myself and I hate that feeling. I am working through it, but I still have desires to eat foods that are not good for me when I am not feeling well.

Yesterday I went to Carowinds with my sister and youngest niece. I did not eat horribly, but I also did not eat well. I did have around my calorie count. I did not have enough water. Today I woke up with headaches, cravings, and withdrawal symptoms. I have fought these symptoms all day. In addition, I woke up too late to take my appetite suppressant, so I am starving along with the cravings. It is frustrating, but I also know it is a matter of getting back into a pattern. Getting back on that bike and that is what I am doing.

Here is a recipe I made for dinner:

Vegetable Sautee For Tonight’s Dinner

½ Tablespoon Olive Oil – 60 Cal

3 Crushed Garlic Cloves – 5 Cal

1 Large Zucchini – 52 Cal

2 Med-Large Yellow Squash – 104 Cal

½ Large Red Onion – 52 Cal

½ Cups Green Beans – 90 Cal

            Total: 363 For 4 Servings

            Calories/Serving (1 Cup) = 92

Today was a bad day emotionally. Little things were setting me off. During the afternoon, I was extremely upset about some events of the day and hungry because of the insanity that became my lunch. I chose a Nutter Butter Bar for a snack after looking at my calorie count. I was originally going to eat both bars, but as I was eating the second bar, I realized that I was not eating just for hunger, but for emotions. I threw the second half of the second Nutter Butter Bar out. It was a difficult realization. I knew I ate to satisfy emotions, but not to the extent that I actually did. Food is my comfort when I am bored, upset, sad, anger, everything! During the rest of the night, I fought the urge to eat more junk food as I grew more restless and irritated as I was not satisfying the urge that I was use to satisfying in the past.